Yenta gets schooled

 Yenta, I think we might need to check our Acupuncture and Chinese/Oriental Medicine dictionary converter or specialists for the spelling on Feng Shui, and I am going by my mind and not looking at the resource I have on my shelf about it.  I so LOVE the way you work in the Yiddish words and wisdom related to things from your perspective.  

I, like you, have no children of my own and live vicariously through my friends or family members who do, such as Ellen, Gary and Rubin.  One of my 'nephews' went to college this weekend as well, and the older sister who graduated this spring from college went off to fill the vacated 'tourist attendant' jobs in a tourist place along the eastern seaboard.  Needless to say, their parents haven't had an empty nest for over 20 years!  The interesting thing was that the kids clearly are aware and kind of concerned about their parents and as a person who was the youngest going to college in 1978, I suggested to them that they 'quit worrying about the old foggies... it's YOUR time to go and do'.  Sometimes the parents, my friends, don't so much appreciate and approve of my advise at the time but I believe I'm always in the long run appreciated and am getting the reputation of having some good advise!  

Interestingly, I was devoting my day of work today to Jackie, a woman who I knew growing up who has a daughter a bit younger than Rubin whose brother died also of cancer;  grief is grief no matter what kind of transition it is, it causes a change that we interpret as 'grief'.  I don't look at is as a 'line' the way Elizabeth Kuber-Ross so beautifully discovered and wrote up, despite the protest of others at the time and having to use great fortitude of character to endure what she knew to be her truth of life purpose, from how I see it.  

I believe that after she had allowed for the ground-breaking work of hers to shatter old notions, others developed her theories a bit to make more sense to me and there's essentially a whole circle that to me is like a roulette wheel which we're like the ball in.  

We travel along for a while in the phase of 'disbelief and denial' which protects us and lets the hard truth seep in without completely upsetting our apple carts of life, then go along to the next phase and ride there for a while BUT we'll bounce back to that first stage of protective disbelief and denial when we 'need to'.  

Retreat is a WONDERFUL strategy if you want to look at things from the historical battleground perspective, which is not my typical one to use as an analogy but I think in this case it works.  Even when a person is in the phase we call 'acceptance' there might be a 'bounce' to an angry phase or a 'bargaining' phase, but what is key is that overall the person increases the amount of time spent in the advancing stages and less in the more primary ones or previous ones.  

And speaking of dying, my keyboard batteries had died and I cycle through two sets of rechargeable batteries and had not calculated for how rapidly they hold less charge as time goes on, so I didn't have much time on the computer today.  I used it to reconnect with myself, Yenta, and with a very good friend through texting.  Just curious, what do YOU think of texting and how it has impacted our social culture.  I'd love to have your opinions about manners and customs.  Two years ago one of my favorite former patients who I'd remained in touch with passed away.  

I still miss her, she was an incredible person and I am so fortunate that I had the intense and special hours with her at her 'worst' and got to see her life changes for 'better and for worse' over the years.  It was a rare treat for her to get to come down from the hills and go to a concert and would allow me to pay for the concert if she'd allow me to treat me to dinner, and she liked very nice meals.  

One day two of my friends, my age, joined us and both were taking business-related phone calls at the table thinking that by just talking quietly and briefly it was acceptable.  But this was a woman who had fought hard against cancer and it was a very special event for her, maybe the last one like it for her life!  Due to the brain damage she had from the cancer and treatment, in her halting words she said 'it's ... an .. energy .. thing'.  

Everyone got it.  I hope it made an impression on them.  I have a feeling that Ellen's Rubin has some above average manners and has been 'raised right' and I wish him the best of luck in college; he's the future of America and the world.  Thank you for including us and remind us, Yenta  ~~ Mardy

Mardy Bubeleh,

I'll start with the latter, it's fresher in this alter kaker brain of mine.  Cell phones, texting, messaging and all that at the table, during family time or among friends at a gathering should be outlawed. A little too strong maybe? I could understand if you need to have a cell phone on in case a babysitter needs to reach you, a child is out doing G-d knows what, a somebody isn't well (G-d forbid) but to speak on it while you're sitting among friends or take a call?  Feh!  In my day, there were no interuptions during family time.  Of course, in my day we had one telephone, it had to be cranked to get the operator and she had to connect you to the person you wanted.  Even she knew better than to interupt someone during a meal time.

I will tell you Rubin had been known to text during dinner and Ellen had given him the "Evil eye".  He immediately put the phone down, you would've thought a bolt of lightening had gone through him.  This however, was difficult to reinforce since Gary didn't follow suit and believe me kindeleh, he still doesn't.  It also seems no evil eye can penetrate that man.  So Ellen picked her battles.  She won the no soda battle years ago; texting is contained to home  only.

Your advise, Mardy, to the yungelayt (young people) about their parents was right.  Oddly enough their parents have made it thus far in their lives, presumably mid 40's,  on their own so to speak and might be able to continue on, though difficult at first.  The kindeleh will be missed, there's no doubt.  Then the fog lifts and the parent(s) realize they no longer have to do things if they don't want to.  One of the first things Ellen realized (she lives on her own since she and Gary have separated) is she doesn't have to cook, she can have a salad for dinner.  She can now buy ANY brand of orange juice, no one is going to "play" with the thermostat anymore, and instead of cleaning two bathrooms now she can clean one.  There is liberation in the separation.

Make no mistakes, however, even the separation of your kinder (child) going off to do something wonderful without you is a "little death" and you might experience those... phases.  No, bubbelehs not to the same extent by any means, but you might have some difficulties.  You'd be surprise what constitutes a "little death".  It doesn't always have to mean end of life, it could be just end of this "chapter" of life, or job, etc.  Sometimes it's the smallest prat (detail) that brings about the biggest endern (change).

Simplify your life, brighten up your outlook, change something small and your whole "world" will adjust accordingly.  Perhaps instead of blinds on your windows put up a sheer color fabric to change the hue in the room.  Go to a garage sale and pick up a lawn ornament to put on your patio.  Or just simply lay yourself down in some grass and look at the clouds and opruen zikh (relax).  A little change can make a big difference and for one hour, turn off your cell phone, your computer, your television everything electronic.  One hour, that's it.  You have one hour to reconnect anyway you wish.  It couldn't hurt!

Your

Yenta

You're one wise old lady, Yenta! I hadn't thought about that there was a crank on your telephone when you were growing up, Yenta.  I thought you were being funny at first, so you got a good laugh out of me whether you were trying to or not! Since I'm only 50-something, we only had an 8 party line and a telephone with a dial on it, didn't have to crank it, though they had just gotten past having operators, as the original business cards for my parent's home-based business of raising, training, boarding and selling dogs indicated you'd have to get the operator to ring them.  That was an eternity ago it feels sometimes and then other times like it was just yesterday; time is so funny that way in the mind.  

We had a particularly beautiful sunset last night so I laid down in the grass and watched the sky for a while.  Then I grabbed my camera.  I'll come back and share a photo with you here. I understand you're having a hurricane heading your way, Yenta; perhaps sometime we can talk about emergency preparedness on a different topic.  I find that part of the beauty of you older folks who have been through a lot is great inspiration related to history and it's tendency to 'repeat itself'.  So you take care down there in Florida, and thanks for what you do for us here at Lumigrate, it's much appreciated! ~~ Mardy

Photo take by me with my cell phone at Fruita State Park, about 20 miles into Colorado coming east from the Utah border.  The Colorado River is flowing past toward Utah and then on to the Grand Canyon and out to the sea, where it will eventually help create a hurricane.  Hence I chose this photo to share here, wishing everyone peaceful waters and safety if only in their minds!