Hello my dawlinks! It's your Yenta back from hiatus, where ever that is. Oy, have I stories to tell you; of course I do. What would you do if your Bubbe didn't have stories which, by the way, in Yiddish are called megiles (stories). Shall we start with the latest one? Of course we should. Do you have your koldres (blankets)? Such good kindeleh.
Ellen and Gary have taken Rubin up to college. Now as you know, Rubin is their benyokhed (only son) and that's not to say he's spoiled, G-d forbid I should ever say that (poo poo), but the child wants for very little. He does, I'm happy to report, appreciate everything he has though which it seems is unusual in this day and age. Up until yesterday, however, both Ellen and Gary were under the impression they were the parents, teaching Rubin about life, the ways of being and how to live. As of this morning at breakfast they both realized, low and behold, it wasn't true, somewhere along the line it was Rubin that had become the adult and they were the children. What were they going to do now that he's out on his own, so to speak. Well, this is where your Yenta steps in, right? Of course right.
First things first. Have your cry. There is nothing better than a good release so let it go, let it fly, let it roll, let it what ever you want to call it just let it be. This is what you've been working up to for 18 years, to see your kinder go off into the world - which he isn't even in yet really - and make his own life - which he hasn't done yet since you're still footing the bill. A Yenta can dream. But I'm taking away from your sorrows, forgive me. Go ahead, keep sobbing. Wait, I'll get you a tissue. All out of Kleenex, will Cottenelle do? Gut (good), here's a roll.
So you moved him into his room and he threw you out. So, nu? You expected to set it up for him? He didn't like his room at your house, with all those stars and things on the walls. And do you remember that dinosaur phase? How long did it take to get rid of that? No, better he should set up his own room with his roommate the way he wants it. So it isn't Feung Shway or doesn't flow correctly, who cares, you're not living there, he is. So long as he can find his underwear and they happen to be clean (G-d willing) he's good for the day. He should be able to study, sleep without things falling on him and find his way to the door. I'm not mentioning the bathroom - there are four boys, they'll figure out the bathroom themselves.
The point here dawlinks is let go of what you can't control. You can't control a college student, they will discover for themselves. You've done your job, I'm hoping you've done it well, it's their turn to take those lessons with them and put them to good use. I know you're going to worry but what can you do at this point, honestly - tell me, bubbelehs - what can you do?
What, no answers? You see, THIS is what your Yenta is for. What can you do? You can take care of you now. Not to say you have time, you don't but perhaps a little change here and little change there might be of use. Tuning into your body a little more might be a start, changing from iceberg lettuce to romaine would be nice, instead of regular potato how about organic potato - try making your own pasta sauce, or a little gardening and if your in an apartment like Ellen is now, put your plants in pots, you should see her patio - she can't find it through all those plants!
Your kindeleh are learning new things, why aren't you? It couldn't hurt!
Your
Yenta
Yenta Tellabenta is truly a 'creation' for outreach and education with Lumigrate.com through storytelling and reinforcement of key concepts related to body, mind, spirit. Written by a very talented and somewhat mysterious younger wise woman who found her way to Lumigrate the summer of 2009, we hope you enjoy having your own Yenta with us at Lumigrate! Yenta (meaning 'town gossip' or 'connector') has a dedicated Forum at Lumigrate at http://www.lumigrate.com/forums/health-issuesdis-eases/fibro... [1] and can also be found on facebook.
Links:
[1] http://www.lumigrate.com/forums/health-issuesdis-eases/fibromyalgia-chronic-pain-and-chronic-fatigueexhaustion/it-cant-hurt-o
[2] http://www.lumigrate.com/forum/yenta-gets-schooled#comment-1316
[3] http://twitter.com/lumigrate
[4] http://www.lumigrate.com/forum/yenta-gets-schooled#top
[5] http://www.lumigrate.com/user/login?destination=node/823%23comment-form
[6] http://www.lumigrate.com/user/register?destination=node/823%23comment-form
[7] http://www.lumigrate.com/forum/yenta-gets-schooled#comment-1317
[8] http://www.lumigrate.com/forum/yenta-gets-schooled#comment-1319
Comments
Yenta, I think we might need to check our Acupuncture and Chinese/Oriental Medicine dictionary converter or specialists for the spelling on Feng Shui, and I am going by my mind and not looking at the resource I have on my shelf about it. I so LOVE the way you work in the Yiddish words and wisdom related to things from your perspective.
I, like you, have no children of my own and live vicariously through my friends or family members who do, such as Ellen, Gary and Rubin. One of my 'nephews' went to college this weekend as well, and the older sister who graduated this spring from college went off to fill the vacated 'tourist attendant' jobs in a tourist place along the eastern seaboard. Needless to say, their parents haven't had an empty nest for over 20 years! The interesting thing was that the kids clearly are aware and kind of concerned about their parents and as a person who was the youngest going to college in 1978, I suggested to them that they 'quit worrying about the old foggies... it's YOUR time to go and do'. Sometimes the parents, my friends, don't so much appreciate and approve of my advise at the time but I believe I'm always in the long run appreciated and am getting the reputation of having some good advise!
Interestingly, I was devoting my day of work today to Jackie, a woman who I knew growing up who has a daughter a bit younger than Rubin whose brother died also of cancer; grief is grief no matter what kind of transition it is, it causes a change that we interpret as 'grief'. I don't look at is as a 'line' the way Elizabeth Kuber-Ross so beautifully discovered and wrote up, despite the protest of others at the time and having to use great fortitude of character to endure what she knew to be her truth of life purpose, from how I see it.
I believe that after she had allowed for the ground-breaking work of hers to shatter old notions, others developed her theories a bit to make more sense to me and there's essentially a whole circle that to me is like a roulette wheel which we're like the ball in.
We travel along for a while in the phase of 'disbelief and denial' which protects us and lets the hard truth seep in without completely upsetting our apple carts of life, then go along to the next phase and ride there for a while BUT we'll bounce back to that first stage of protective disbelief and denial when we 'need to'.
Retreat is a WONDERFUL strategy if you want to look at things from the historical battleground perspective, which is not my typical one to use as an analogy but I think in this case it works. Even when a person is in the phase we call 'acceptance' there might be a 'bounce' to an angry phase or a 'bargaining' phase, but what is key is that overall the person increases the amount of time spent in the advancing stages and less in the more primary ones or previous ones.
And speaking of dying, my keyboard batteries had died and I cycle through two sets of rechargeable batteries and had not calculated for how rapidly they hold less charge as time goes on, so I didn't have much time on the computer today. I used it to reconnect with myself, Yenta, and with a very good friend through texting. Just curious, what do YOU think of texting and how it has impacted our social culture. I'd love to have your opinions about manners and customs. Two years ago one of my favorite former patients who I'd remained in touch with passed away.
I still miss her, she was an incredible person and I am so fortunate that I had the intense and special hours with her at her 'worst' and got to see her life changes for 'better and for worse' over the years. It was a rare treat for her to get to come down from the hills and go to a concert and would allow me to pay for the concert if she'd allow me to treat me to dinner, and she liked very nice meals.
One day two of my friends, my age, joined us and both were taking business-related phone calls at the table thinking that by just talking quietly and briefly it was acceptable. But this was a woman who had fought hard against cancer and it was a very special event for her, maybe the last one like it for her life! Due to the brain damage she had from the cancer and treatment, in her halting words she said 'it's ... an .. energy .. thing'.
Everyone got it. I hope it made an impression on them. I have a feeling that Ellen's Rubin has some above average manners and has been 'raised right' and I wish him the best of luck in college; he's the future of America and the world. Thank you for including us and remind us, Yenta ~~ Mardy
Live and Learn. Learn and Live Better! is my motto. I'm Mardy Ross, and I founded Lumigrate in 2008 after a career as an occupational therapist with a background in health education and environmental research program administration. Today I function as the desk clerk for short questions people have, as well as 'concierge' services offered for those who want a thorough exploration of their health history and direction to resources likely to progress their health according to their goals. Contact Us comes to me, so please do if you have questions or comments. Lumigrate is "Lighting the Path to Health and Well-Being" for increasing numbers of people. Follow us on social networking sites such as: Twitter: http://twitter.com/lumigrate [3] and Facebook. (There is my personal page and several Lumigrate pages. For those interested in "groovy" local education and networking for those uniquely talented LumiGRATE experts located in my own back yard, "LumiGRATE Groove of the Grand Valley" is a Facebook page to join. (Many who have joined are beyond our area but like to see the Groovy information! We not only have FUN, we are learning about other providers we can be referring patients to and 'wearing a groove' to each other's doors -- or websites/home offices!) By covering some of the things we do, including case examples, it reinforces the concepts at Lumigrate.com as well as making YOU feel that you're part of a community. Which you ARE at Lumigrate!
Mardy Bubeleh,
I'll start with the latter, it's fresher in this alter kaker brain of mine. Cell phones, texting, messaging and all that at the table, during family time or among friends at a gathering should be outlawed. A little too strong maybe? I could understand if you need to have a cell phone on in case a babysitter needs to reach you, a child is out doing G-d knows what, a somebody isn't well (G-d forbid) but to speak on it while you're sitting among friends or take a call? Feh! In my day, there were no interuptions during family time. Of course, in my day we had one telephone, it had to be cranked to get the operator and she had to connect you to the person you wanted. Even she knew better than to interupt someone during a meal time.
I will tell you Rubin had been known to text during dinner and Ellen had given him the "Evil eye". He immediately put the phone down, you would've thought a bolt of lightening had gone through him. This however, was difficult to reinforce since Gary didn't follow suit and believe me kindeleh, he still doesn't. It also seems no evil eye can penetrate that man. So Ellen picked her battles. She won the no soda battle years ago; texting is contained to home only.
Your advise, Mardy, to the yungelayt (young people) about their parents was right. Oddly enough their parents have made it thus far in their lives, presumably mid 40's, on their own so to speak and might be able to continue on, though difficult at first. The kindeleh will be missed, there's no doubt. Then the fog lifts and the parent(s) realize they no longer have to do things if they don't want to. One of the first things Ellen realized (she lives on her own since she and Gary have separated) is she doesn't have to cook, she can have a salad for dinner. She can now buy ANY brand of orange juice, no one is going to "play" with the thermostat anymore, and instead of cleaning two bathrooms now she can clean one. There is liberation in the separation.
Make no mistakes, however, even the separation of your kinder (child) going off to do something wonderful without you is a "little death" and you might experience those... phases. No, bubbelehs not to the same extent by any means, but you might have some difficulties. You'd be surprise what constitutes a "little death". It doesn't always have to mean end of life, it could be just end of this "chapter" of life, or job, etc. Sometimes it's the smallest prat (detail) that brings about the biggest endern (change).
Simplify your life, brighten up your outlook, change something small and your whole "world" will adjust accordingly. Perhaps instead of blinds on your windows put up a sheer color fabric to change the hue in the room. Go to a garage sale and pick up a lawn ornament to put on your patio. Or just simply lay yourself down in some grass and look at the clouds and opruen zikh (relax). A little change can make a big difference and for one hour, turn off your cell phone, your computer, your television everything electronic. One hour, that's it. You have one hour to reconnect anyway you wish. It couldn't hurt!
Your
Yenta
Yenta Tellabenta is truly a 'creation' for outreach and education with Lumigrate.com through storytelling and reinforcement of key concepts related to body, mind, spirit. Written by a very talented and somewhat mysterious younger wise woman who found her way to Lumigrate the summer of 2009, we hope you enjoy having your own Yenta with us at Lumigrate! Yenta (meaning 'town gossip' or 'connector') has a dedicated Forum at Lumigrate at http://www.lumigrate.com/forums/health-issuesdis-eases/fibro... [1] and can also be found on facebook.
You're one wise old lady, Yenta! I hadn't thought about that there was a crank on your telephone when you were growing up, Yenta. I thought you were being funny at first, so you got a good laugh out of me whether you were trying to or not! Since I'm only 50-something, we only had an 8 party line and a telephone with a dial on it, didn't have to crank it, though they had just gotten past having operators, as the original business cards for my parent's home-based business of raising, training, boarding and selling dogs indicated you'd have to get the operator to ring them. That was an eternity ago it feels sometimes and then other times like it was just yesterday; time is so funny that way in the mind.
We had a particularly beautiful sunset last night so I laid down in the grass and watched the sky for a while. Then I grabbed my camera. I'll come back and share a photo with you here. I understand you're having a hurricane heading your way, Yenta; perhaps sometime we can talk about emergency preparedness on a different topic. I find that part of the beauty of you older folks who have been through a lot is great inspiration related to history and it's tendency to 'repeat itself'. So you take care down there in Florida, and thanks for what you do for us here at Lumigrate, it's much appreciated! ~~ Mardy
Live and Learn. Learn and Live Better! is my motto. I'm Mardy Ross, and I founded Lumigrate in 2008 after a career as an occupational therapist with a background in health education and environmental research program administration. Today I function as the desk clerk for short questions people have, as well as 'concierge' services offered for those who want a thorough exploration of their health history and direction to resources likely to progress their health according to their goals. Contact Us comes to me, so please do if you have questions or comments. Lumigrate is "Lighting the Path to Health and Well-Being" for increasing numbers of people. Follow us on social networking sites such as: Twitter: http://twitter.com/lumigrate [3] and Facebook. (There is my personal page and several Lumigrate pages. For those interested in "groovy" local education and networking for those uniquely talented LumiGRATE experts located in my own back yard, "LumiGRATE Groove of the Grand Valley" is a Facebook page to join. (Many who have joined are beyond our area but like to see the Groovy information! We not only have FUN, we are learning about other providers we can be referring patients to and 'wearing a groove' to each other's doors -- or websites/home offices!) By covering some of the things we do, including case examples, it reinforces the concepts at Lumigrate.com as well as making YOU feel that you're part of a community. Which you ARE at Lumigrate!