Holiday Grief

I've been spending a bit of time talking and communicating with people who I know in my own community or who are part of the Lumigrate team getting things done which you'll see or hear on the website in the near future.  It seems that many people are having overall a cheerful holiday season but they are also feeling a sense of loss. 

They are missing people who used to be in their lives at this time of year, who have moved on either through life changing or through death.  Others are having their first without their beloved mate, and in my case this is the first year for me as what I like to jokingly say 'as an orphan', as my father passed on a few months ago after a long progressive neurologic condition slowly changed everything about my family and his life, including the holidays. 

So yesterday I'd just seen a friend's facebook status which read

"Holidays are tough.....wish heaven had a phone....so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today...but that's nothing new. I thought of you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence and often speak your name. All I have are memories and pictures in a frame.......re- post if you have someone in heaven that you miss on earth...."

I went back to my project of moving books from one place to another and opened one of the many books in the stack related to spirituality which just 'reached out to me', "Life Prayers from Around the World -- 365 Prayers, Blessings, and Affirmations to Celebrate the Human Journey" and on 346 was the following poem, which I want to share with you today along with my story of how it surfaced to my hands yesterday -- one of those timely 'coincidences' that let you know that everything IS as it is intended to be right now, even if it's 'hard' emotionally.

When I die if you need to weep

Cry for your brother or sister

Walking the street beside you

and when you need me put your arms around anyone

and give them what you need to give me.

I want to leave you something

Something better than words or sounds

Look for me in the people I've known or loved

And if you cannot give me away

At least let me live in your eyes and not on your mind.

 

You can love me most by letting hands touch hands

By letting bodies touch bodies

And by letting go of children that need to be free.

 

Love doesn't die, people do

So when all that's left of me is love

Give me away      

~~ Anonymous

 

I hope that if you are one of the many having the feeling of loss included in your time, you find this beneficial, and use it as a resouces to share with others if you believe it would be helpful to them.  I've found that by blocking and copying and then pasting pages from Lumigrate into emails and emailing them to people I feel they apply to, it's a way of efficiently spreading the words that hopefully will benefit them.  And naturally, hitting the Print button and giving or sending to someone the old fashioned way is good as well.  Roll it up like a 'scroll' and tie a nice string or ribbon around it and it makes a thoughtful gift to present in a lovely way.  

We appreciate how it serves to have others find out about Lumigrate and then we continue to become better for everyone involved.  Blessings, everyone -- be kind to each other.  ~~ Mardy

Editing in on August 14, 2018 -- This topic just had it's 1,000th 'read' with my coming to it in order to add this in.  

It took me until an unfolding of events that transpired, seemingly because of That Which is Guiding (TWIG, I call it) earlier this year, to be able to share with anyone outside who heard the words I wrote for my father's funeral, which was in September 2010, prior to my creating this topic.  (Below, I thankfully invited someone to his house for Thanksgiving as my guest, and my guest thankfully had just gotten a new camera and was keeping themselves less uncomfortable than they'd otherwise be by learning their new camera.  The next time I'd see him was at the hospital, a month later, and 'everything would change' after that.)

I am editing it, but only for improved reading, and to retract any identifying names.  It takes nine minutes to read out loud with the tempo I would read it.  My father's funeral service was planned by the family members he chose in his end of life, dependent and demented state.  With a background in entertainment and music, the musicians were paid and were friends of theirs.  They were good.  The service was put together like a fifty minute program you'd have for a school's performance, and was thought by many to be the most interesing and uplifting funeral they'd ever been to.  

I had talked with the hospice chaplain at the time my dad was dying and he would give the eulogy and conduct the service.  At some point I was out of the house and allegedly the chaplain called during that time and said he'd have to rearrange his schedule for that Friday afternoon to do the service and so the family's chosen male opted to take the lead.  They were emailed this that I'd written at the time I wrote it, which was a week before Dad died, and then it was another four days to the funeral.  Yet they waited until after 9 pm the night before the funeral to tell me that "what you wrote -- needs to be shorter -- a LOT shorter".  I simply did not have time to do anything about it, so they read it as is.  

Reading the portions they and other family members wrote to be read, with feeling and emotion, the entertaining music and story intertwined, when they got to this, they read it as if they were a child in front of the church having to recite something they did not want to recite so they said it as fast and without any feeling or 'buy in'.  I sat there, in shock on one hand, and not surprised at all on the other because of what all had happened in the last days, weeks, and years which was pushing me out of the 'nest'.  Disrespected, the sun shining in beautifully on the casket draped in the American flag, I took a quick photo with my cell phone of the moment that I realized "after tomorrow when we are done at the house with the afterparty cleanup, and go our separate ways, I never have to see them again".  And that is how it has remained to this day.  

I had to see my relative on occasion.  I gave it 7 years, five from our last encounter.  And contacted in early 2018 asking to stay for a short time in order to get my dog the specialized medical care that was working wonders.  No response. And so, we were in a new phase, where I now will share more of my past with the issue of death, and grief.  

I thought I'd take some time now that other things have been accomplished to write a little to share my introspections about my dad.  Since we had the benefit of wonderful hospice services after having a long stretch of good doctors after initial bungling in what I like to refer to as 'mangling medicine', we've had time within our family system to get our heads and ducks in a row. 

I ask people who recognize that providing this information has been a full time endeavor, who are able, be willing to help in return.  (I utilized extensive personal funds to have Lumigrate become part of the Internet, independent, truth information, and to continue "on the path" continuing to stay abreast.  I ask anyone who can to help by giving to me, and in return, if you want, you'll get individualized information, assistance, and support from me. And if you just wish to think of it as 'giving like a donation', that's great too!)

PayPal is the primary means at this time.  

PayPal link is: paypal.me/MardyRoss (or you can use my name or phone number, above, too)

I prefer people contact me by telephone.  

My phone (and I text) is ----- 970 as area code, 462 is the prefix, and 8662 are the last four.

My address is: Mardy Ross; Call and I can provide, Grand Junction, CO 81501

I'm on Facebook (Mardy Ross) and Messenger.  I will respond. If I don't, CALL.  

If you must, my email is mardy dot poppins at yahoo dot com but I do not check that daily.

Thank you for 1) Being a YOUser at Lumigrate if you've accessed this topic.  2) Giving if you will take the time, energy and have the funds and are so inclined.  3) Letting others know of the resource for information AND a place they can give if interested in helping us to help YOU! (the overall).  ~ Gratefully, Mardy

 Note: This thread had 1,000 reads when I added the above information on 14 August and 4Sept2018, honoring the 8th anniversary of this most important week.