Oh, The Places GO'Rio Will Go! The Summer Brings Us Into End of Life Transitions

I'm eating a lot of cole slaw lately.  In late July, I received word through Messenger (interconnected with Facebook) of the sudden passing of one of my most important friends of my entire life.   We were all early 20's, and he started out as a coworker of my significant other-turned-husband. He would come to dinner once a week (Tuesdays, one semester, which had to do with their class schedules attending the University).  I'd purchased a mobile home near campus literally next to the railroad tracks, and I worked on or near campus.  He'd come to pass the time playing cards, laughing, talking, and sipping cheap bar-bottle beer we got for $6.76 a case at nearby "Johnny's Liquor". I'd get home from work, and the store if I'd needed to stop off, and prepare, serve, consume, and clean up from dinner.  I enjoyed the company, he was a very intelligent and funny, engaging guy!   

The very first time my brain ever "glitched" was one of those days.  I'd made cole slaw for him, because he liked cole slaw.  And then I forgot to serve it when I served the meal!  Remembering it while I was washing dishes, I would likely not realize it was an unforgettable moment for me that I'd be drawn back to in my grief and processing his passing.

Would I recognize at that time it was a "symptom" of what was to come for me and my health?  No.  But I see it now!  Dementia doesn't just 'happen' with a big event like we are lead to believe, it's a process that goes way back -- perhaps to before we're born.  

Pouring back to messages from when we re-connected, thanks to Facebook, about a decade ago, it was profound what I found. This is how I posted it on Facebook, to honor him.    

"I don't fear death, I fear loneliness. I prefer baths to showers, and just had a magnificent checkup from my doctor. I have no vices except Fantasy sports. I can barbecue up a storm, and work ALWAYS!" ~~ From an old friend (from college) upon our reconnecting, thanks to Facebook, 2010. He died today. At work. 

In early 1987, he called to remind me ("push") about getting back to classes for my B.S. in O.T. (by taking his Intro to Psyche class, as he'd be finishing his PhD and would be off to wherever the job winds would take him). He got a standing ovation on the last day of class. It was the only time so far in my life, I saw that from a university instructor or professor.  

Soon, the winds carried him away to a job, a family, and then far away. I never saw him after he left our university city. 

My mother died while I was taking his class. Sudden, unexpected passings from this realm are difficult for the living. And this feels like a surreal 360 to me with Alan's passing now. 

SNAFF's cover art, below, is a bit like Lumigrate's landing page's artwork, I realized looking at this as I went to share it from his rare postings on Facebook. (This was on his Facebook from spring.) Our saying at Lumigrate: "Lighting the path to health and well-being" lead to .... having a path on the landing page. 

I'm thinking, and sharing here, that I'm thinking about how there would be no Lumigrate for you to be reading at this moment, had I not had the nudge AND his astute observations about my unique learning abilities, which lead to my seeking special optometry help and therapy. Then another professional. And another.  

My grades improved enough that I was accepted into the very competitive occupational therapy program on my first attempt: I had just under a 3.5 GPA on most recent 45 credits, with the average being 3.75 on those accepted; a cohort with a 3.4 and equally good letters of recommendations, and learning disabilities, did NOT get in.  That always made me work harder, and not complain about the nonsense involved as much as I would otherwise.  

Eventually, I had enough life experience and professional associations to bring a website to the world to with the intention of streamline the process of getting to valid and true health information sources, or providers, products and so on. 

I believe everyone can be instrumental in another's life, and the ripple effect can begin. This month, the top-accessed topic surpassed the 50,000 read mark, and was getting about 2,000 a week accessing it; I hope they stayed a while and went around to other information, made a note to come back, and so on.

It's not a standing ovation, but I hope this very special soul will be knowing the effects he had my life in ways that help others -- YOU, included.  Now on the other side, or "home" as some call it.  I'm sure there are incalculable numbers of people whose lives were changed because of YOU! Rest up, my friend, and I'll look forward to our next encounter.

 

 

 There was more surrounding the above excerpt, this is the more extended version: 

....

"Through it all, we have survived with a pretty realistic, but surprisingly optimistic outlook. I've never really learned what true happiness is, and define it in terms of "non-suffering." I am excruciatingly rational, much to the chagrin of those who love me most. I love my dog more than most people I know.

 

I keep getting promoted, keep moving, and have raised three of the brightest kids you'll ever meet. And they are FUNNY. I don't fear death, I fear loneliness, I prefer baths to showers, and just had a magnificent checkup from my doctor. I have no vices except Fantasy sports. I can barbecue up a storm, and work ALWAYS!

 

And I still overglorify a period of my life where I was surrounded by some of the most magnificent people I've ever met, and to date I've met thousands, from governors to trash collectors (I enjoy the latter more). And you, ma'am were one. So glad to be back in touch! Write soon. ap"

 

 

Which I did, and after crediting his spouse for helping him to do things he wouldn't otherwise do, talking about growing old together one minute and separating the next (which did end up occurring), the end of his response I felt was worth sharing too:

 

"Okay, and now my list of most recent pet peeves. Like my hair- and waist-line, this, too has changed over time:

 

1. People in business who say "bye-bye." Especially men.

 

2. People who don't know that the correct reply to "thank you" is "you're welcome," not "no problem," "okay," "you bet," or the ever popular "don't mention it!"

 

3. People who refer to paper use as "killing trees."

 

4. Text messaging. Period. Enough said.

 

And for a more positive note to end with, things that make my life absolutely wonderful:

1. Autumns. Mardy, the smells, the color, the energy. I love autumn.

 

2. The lack of any curiosity at all of why things are beautiful or intriguing. I don't have to know why rainbows come in arcs or what causes the leaves to change color. I owe it to some part of me to simply accept beauty when I see it with no compulsion to break it down into its scientific component parts.

 

3. Women in sundresses. Southern thing.

 

4. I have what (wife's name, removed) calls, and others have empirically confirmed, a "baby" and a "dog" whammy. Both love me (or at least attend to me!) instantly and instinctively. I LOVE that they do. I don't know why. See #2 above!

 

Thanks for writing, Mardy. Yes, I can definitely get used to this. Reconnecting is cool!"

 

I told him I loved texting, in my reply, and his response:

 

"And shame on you for the texting thing! Well, I suppose I will have to rely on your other magnificent characteristics to circumvent this insidious character flaw!"

 

Can't you see why I adored him?

 

He rarely posted on Facebook, but in the spring he had put a link to YouTube, Elton John and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.  Always entertaining, this is what he'd said: 

"Jammin' to SNAFF this morning. One of the greatest albums ever, but something has always bothered me about the cover. He's saying "goodbye" to the yellow brick road, but is clearly beginning his journey on it. Shouldn't he be saying "Hello Yellow Brick Road?" But maybe he was walking backward on it! If so, did he walk the entire road backwards, or did he get to that part of the road lined by the apple-throwing trees, then turn around to watch his back? Oh well. Time for me to put my "Alan Punches" jacket on and go to work!"

Thank you, Alan Punches, and I find this prophetic and am grateful for Facebook having been there for you to share something I'd have the ability to enjoy in this time to process your passing. And I hope those reading this will find it enjoyable and insightful, as well.  

Here's a photo from one of his colleagues, taken his last birthday at the college (October 13)(born 1959): 

I am truly so thankful for many things which occurred for me and "proactive people" because of Facebook.  More people I know have been helped enormously with their well-being because of powerful groups on Facebook with leaders interconnected with personal pages.

I hope someday when it's my passing, and people are processing, I'm thought of as being among the leaders, and group providers who mattered. I don't suspect that is imminent, but I do suspect O'Rio's is not too far off.  Not because of how he's functioning at the moment, but because of the way he connected to a woman in early May at the "Fat Tire Festival" in Fruita, Colorado.  

I'd bought a beer at the tent and he lead me to a woman sitting down nearby.  She diplomatically told me of the "hospice veterinarian"; I knew that it was a message meant to be taken into account.  The phenomenal homeopathic educator Debby Bruck had just died, literally that evening, and I'd not known until that evening that she had cancer and was dying. The nonresponse to a message asking for her involvement in something last year, therefore, made sense.  And her focus on vaccines in her education when I tuned into her in 2013, perhaps.  

This was, I could tell, going to be a time that death was a central point of my life.  Interestingly, I'd requested the miniature sculpture of O'Rio from Denver artist Jason Keegan as soon as O'Rio became my dog. And that was in the works a year ago! 

I'd had the words flow out of my mouth as though from some pre-recorded script, talking with his former owner, that I'd see him through his end of life and be able to teach some concepts along the way, if they were to gift him to me. I could hopefully help many with concepts and information they'd not otherwise encounter.  

Knowing I was going to have my heart ache again when the day came he'd pass, and difficult decisions to be made most likely, as well as the funds needed for any professional care.  As with my other pets (and some people, not all), I wanted to figure out a way to navigate the hard road ahead in a beneficial way.  

And having a small, portable, light version of O'Rio was my suggestion to Jason. Who, thankfully, obliged. He'd done elephants, vampires, sci-fi characters, but not dogs.  O'Rio was his first dog.  I also suggested he take photographs of the process, so we could go along for the ride of having the sculpture made. Jason has gone on to creating other types of art, videotaping the process in 'time lapse', and is getting quite a following! I hope to think my encouragement spurred that a little.  

So I had much anticipation and fun watching things Jason posted on Facebook, particularly when O'Rio and I ended up nearby him in Denver at the time he was putting the finishing touches on!  In time for O'Rio's 13th birthday, we started planning a little party, which would be a FUNdraiser, of course.  And then that was not to be; he had a death in someone close to him (and a peer to his age), with Jason organizing a get together, as well as processing the unexpected passing.  He went climbing on rocks in the canyons near where O'Rio's old family moved, and where I had been in my formative years as part of his "therapy".   

Last week I'd made a delightful looking and smelling turkey burger and put cole slaw on both bun halves, placed some potato salad next to it on the plate, and set the plate in a safe spot while I went to get something in the kitchen.  I returned and saw O'Rio eating something and realized he'd taken the top bun -- but the cole slaw that I'd applied to the bun had remained over the burger.

Irritated at him on one hand, but wondering if that was one of "those signs" that come from the other side, clearly to me in past passings, I had to smile in wonderment.  It was Tuesday, after all. Was he having Tuesdays with Mardy?  

That day, The Mini Sculpture of O'Rio, which I think should be called GO'Rio, had been handed off from one of my childhood friends to the other, who would transport it to me.  For fourteen  years she's arranged a water / wastewater treatment conference for continuing education and networking in the industry, which is held in my home town since 2003/4 of Grand Junction, Colorado.  

This year she'd retired in February, so costs for attending were "coming out of her pocket".  I hope that as thanks for transporting GO'Rio, not having to buy one dinner was a nice giving for the receiving.  This time last year I wouldn't have been able to do that, but The Introduction to The Story So Far, of O'Rio and me and our sensitivity in common, which is at the root of our life-long health issues, per the paradigm from German auricular medicine, was finally printed in April (on my 58th birthday), revised in May, and the summer has been a lot of FUN when people make the TIME to hear the story. It's only available currently being read live by me to the other, for discussion to ensue and show the next steps in their path to health and well-being.  Others skip the story and just want 1:1 discussion, which is fine.  

 O'Rio with Suzie, Cindy, Nancy in Morrison, Colorado.  July 31, 2018.  O'Rio's 13 years and 5 months.  

All three ladies in the above photograph have been instrumental in the past during times of loss for me.  Suzie was one of my dad's bankers, as well as my best friend from elementary and junior high's mother.  She and her husband accompanied me to my father's funeral, and soon we were at her mother's and then her husband's.  I'd be asked to monitor and assist the husband during the matriarch's funeral because of his recent injuries, surgeries, and yet undiagnosed underlying medical condition.  

He would have, in 1987, been walking along in that exact cemetary, in the snow, three of us hanging off of him for stability, as we had not worn sensible shoes for a burial in the snow -- the high school best friend of my junior high best friend had been murdered.  

The gal on the right, Nancy, was close friends and roommates with a gal who died as I was creating Lumigrate. I was a second tier friend always to the gal who died, and in my first year in Western Colorado I'd hung out quite a lot with her and her partner on trips to Steamboat Springs -- a 40th birthday party she threw for her partner was a highlight of my 40s. It's just a sad thought to think about  never again in this life enjoying a time shared in the present with them.  Because they could make some of the BEST TIMES you'd recall! 

Back in the early fall of 2008, I had just left the Denver offices of some professionals I needed to hire about what would become known as Lumigrate, when my phone rang: it was Nancy.  Our funnest and funniest friend had suddenly had problems after a kick ball game, and died.  She'd known she had some problems, and had opted to not do anything about it besides life life normally.  Or that's how I see it based on what I know.  

And it was just after the 1987 funeral of the murdered friends that Dr Cole Slaw (Alan) called to say "This is your last chance to take my Intro to Psyche class, I'll be graduating with my PhD and off teaching at some other University".  Little did I know that about six weeks into the 18 week semester, my mother would suddenly and unexpectedly die.  I'd miss only one class, but my time was very much changed as I had a father who depended on my mother for his dinner, cooking, cleaning, and socialization.

Everything drastically changed, I could not envision at that time how not having my mother to keep things "right" in the family dynamics was going to go. I had not yet studied "systems theory", but I would at the time I was beginning to create Lumigrate.  

I did not feel i was grieving her, but I did feel that she was 'around' and not passed.   

I wasn't doing as well on the tests as Alan Cole Slaw thought I was capable, so he gave me the opportunity for extra credit by running his test subjects for his PhD research.  And in taking the test they would be taking as subjects, getting them all right, I got a phone call that night about how something wasn't adding up about my ability for taking tests and learning in his class.  Did I think of my being with a progressive neurological condition then, the symptom being in my 20s learning difficulties?

No.  But I do now.

So there I was, back underway in college, and I took the algebra I needed to get into the occupational therapy program the next semester.  I'd have my health collapse and seek specialized vision and perception advise, which resulted in therapy and connections to a reading and learniing disabilities specialist.  Which lead to more testing and therapy and improvements in my abilities.  And a draining of my funds.  

So many things that are, ultimately, helpful for those of us with variously injured brains are supporting industrious professionals who are outside The System of what insurance pays for. There are root causes, real solutions which are not very costly in money, but take time and effort to find and learn to do proficiently.  I provide that, as well as MANY other things on Lumigrate in the forums.  One on one you can likely find your way to your next step or your ultimate path more direction, with my guidance.  Let me know if you're interested. 

I realized that Lumigrate would not be here if it weren't for Dr Cole Slaw.  Believing as I do that it's having a subtle yet increasingly growing impact on the Earth's seekers on the path to health and well-being, that was very profound to me. 

And what made me the saddest at this time was not that he was no longer on Earth to enjoy, because I'd not had any meaningful interaction with him in years.  It was the illusion that I held for the future, of hopefully having him want to get together on the phone or in person, drink a beverage and chat like we used to. I'd hoped he'd perhaps want to lend his talents to the efforts at Lumigrate and collaborate, perhaps in his retirement.  

The sadness I felt was for the way life took us from having contact.  Within the group of people he and my husband had as a friendship circle, I became the odd woman out when our marriage broke up.  

Ultimately, this was as much some grieving about things not handled well by people, myself included, way back then, and loss of friendships and my never again having the FUN that we had when "we" got together, as I was ousted from "the group".  They went on with get togethers --  I wasn't included.  And that hurt.  At least in our re-connection messages a decade ago, he acknowledged that as he matured and had a relationship to nurture, he understood why our marriage had dissolved.  Priorities when with a primary relationship are different than when you are single and in college. We were just a rare, young couple amidst a bunch of singles. 

So as I turned my attention this day to O'Rio, as we got underway with a new veterinarian, who's a 'good fit for us', for now, with the mini sculpture here to be part of the FUN, I believe that it will lend itself as a lovely surrogate when he's passed from his physical body on Earth for this life.  

I know he's been put in my path divinely, those familiar with our story will know of "The RV Van" that was in my mind's eye that set me on the path of being Mardy PopIns.  In my third house as Mardy PopIns, to care for him, I'd see The RV Van, and realize the significance of this very "messed up dog" who is also incredibly right! 

After his appointment, I went to the library.  I was looking at a book that was on an endcap, about dyslexia.  Just then a woman came by and said "that's a fabulous book, I used it when I taught school".  Divine placement.  Divine timing.  I think Alan Cole Slaw was somewhere to do with that.  I'd peeked enough to see it was referring to your "mind's eye", which of course intrigued me.  

And so it goes.  I hope you've enjoyed this blog entry.  Please consider supporting my efforts, every little bit helps, and those who can do more help on bigger things in terms of costs but often it's the little things that I appreciate being able to purchase more; the website costs $11/month to host, my phone is $50/month, a newspaper is $1 on Fridays and I enjoy buying one if I can.  Dinner for a friend who transported the mini O'Rio -- priceless! 

You can find me on Facebook.  The Pay Pal link is on my intro very simply placed and easy to find.  Or go to the About tab here at Lumigrate.  It really is feeling like we're making a significant difference now.  And that, I hope, people someday will recognize when it's my turn to pass. And in the mean time, I hope I'll be comforted by mini O'Rio and the fun tales that will come from such an incredible and innovative sculpture.  

 ^ Jason had texted me that photo in early February; I'd hoped to show it to O'Rio's provider at our second appointment, and see if she would be interested in being involved in the story, with photos of his treatments, as they were amazingly beneficial.  They were running behind, so I did not show her.  

But after, as I splurged on a bowl of soup and beverage at a nearby restaurant, a man with progressive neurological disease and his wife came along and sat next to me.  A first, sitting at a bar with someone who was unable to talk, chew and safely swallow.  I was more at ease with it than I would have been had I not been a neurologically specialized occupational therapist in the past.  And had my father not died similarly.  

A former teacher of the sciences, it was fun to show him the photo, and get the thumb's up from him, seeing his eyes light up.  We had a lovely conversation about their dog, who had passed at an old age.  I'd thought they might be "into" my trading helping for housing and become my next house as Mardy PopIns, but they never contacted me.  

I'd soon be connected where I KNEW I was supposed to be, which a step to the next place I knew I was supposed to be, and now THE HOME of significance that perhaps MUCH of my Mardy PopIns era was ultimately about.  I'm finally able to help a young family.  If I'd been able to get to O'Rio when he was one, not ten, imagine how different things could be!  Or if I'd gotten to the information that's helped me in half the time it took me to help my self.  

The reality is that at midlife we are with relatively little improvements that can come, but they are improvements nonetheless.  When your "progressive neurological disorder" stops getting worse (or improves), that's significant, and worthy sharing about openly.  And here we are! 

I ask people who recognize that providing this information has been a full time endeavor, and who are able, to be willing to help in return.  (I utilized extensive personal funds to have Lumigrate become part of the Internet, independent, truth information, and to continue "on the path" continuing to stay abreast.  I ask anyone who can to help by giving to me, and in return, if you want, you'll get individualized information, assistance, and support from me. And if you just wish to think of it as 'giving like a donation', that's great too!)

PayPal is the primary means at this time.  

PayPal link is: paypal.me/MardyRoss (or you can use my name or phone number, above, too)

I prefer people contact me by telephone.  

My phone (and I text) is ----- 970 as area code, 462 is the prefix, and 8662 are the last four.

My address is: Mardy Ross; Call and I can provide, Grand Junction, CO 81501

I'm on Facebook (Mardy Ross) and Messenger.  I will respond. If I don't, CALL.  

If you must, my email is mardy dot poppins at yahoo dot com but I do not check that daily.

Thank you for 1) Being a YOUser at Lumigrate if you've accessed this topic.  2) Giving if you will take the time, energy and have the funds and are so inclined.  3) Letting others know of the resource for information AND a place they can give if interested in helping us to help YOU! (the overall).  ~ Gratefully, Mardy