Dr. Brené Brown was lead to the title of her book Daring Greatly after a 10 hour viewing marathon on her couch (with peanut butter), and PBS' Downton Abbey. The story of why such a 'successful' woman was doing 'couch therapy' with the television (and peanut butter), fascinated me, and how it lead to the title of her book being "Daring Greatly". (For anyone who is a fan of ABC's "The Middle", as I am, you know that Frankie, the married and working mother of three teenagers retreats to watch television with canned frosting, which she stashed in secret in past episodes. This seems to be a recurrent theme.....)
I added this to my Facebook "Favorite Quotes" area in the About me, I liked it so much:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
~~ Teddy Roosevelt, 1910
(Credit to Dr. Brené Brown, from her book "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead". Brené, who retreated to the couch after reading reviews from the 'anonymous' public on Internet websites when reaching the masses, watched 10 hours of Downton Abbey and was in a funk and got out her laptop to look at what was going on in that era in the U.S., and thus "harkened back" to find inspiration in a speech that Teddy Roosevelt gave in 1910.
In my mind, the author of Eat, Pray, Love opened up a new frontier with the revelations she offered about the depth of her pain while married at the start of the book as well as revealing the details of the time spent with all the eating, praying and loving (including sexing) she was doing as part of her life transformation. This is a 'trend' of our times which is affecting all of us, and sending some of us 'to the couch'!
"Everyone has to have an outlet for what stresses them", I learned from the contract psychologist nine years ago when I went to my first 'hoarding house' as an occupational therapist for a home evaluation before the patient was to return to home from the skilled nursing facilility (SNF) I was working at. "I thought it was more in the OCD realm" I responded, to which the doctor/PhD said "That would be what a psychiatrist would say." Ugh, no wonder people are so confused, even when you have access to a professional team you have to ask each person on the team their perspective ('do your homework'), then form your own conclusions and operate from there.
Brené had read the comments after the first occurrence of her being 'out there' on mass media; a social scientist and expert in the subject of vulnerability, which she began a formal study of early in 2001, just before 9/11 occurred, she had opted to speak at a conference being videotaped and put on YouTube.
Dr Brown brought up the concept used in science that is a key factor today in our transition from allopathic to functional medicine: "If you can't measure it, it doesn't exist." Think about why acupuncture has been held up from becoming 'validated' in the past: You can't give someone a placebo needle in an acupuncture point! Suffice it to say that I'm pleased to see esteemed professionals, being published, who have been making the 'shift' out of the restrictive aspects of the scientific age and allowing us to progress while maintaining standards of validity and quality of information.
Since the conference Brené was invited to speak at, via TEDx was being held at her home University and 'town' of Houston, Texas, she opted to speak more "from the heart", and about her own vulnerability. In person, she had an audience of 500, which was not out of the ordinary for her, but it was recorded, which was unusual for her, and because of the platform of TEDx, it received millions of views, which was a total surprise to her. (The link if you wish to view it is provided below, TED is a wonderful resource for spending your time/energy resources, so I encourage you to go... this subject of vulnerability and the story of what has occurred from the first to the last presentations (at TEDx and OWN) has much for people to learn from....)
From my Facebook "Quotes" area:
"The most important Journey we will ever take is the 18 inches from our mind to our heart." ~ Grandmother Agnes Baker Pilgrim (see Lumigrate.com's Spirituality forum related to the Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers)
It was the first time Brené Brown's name 'got out there' to the websites with large followings and mass media picked up on it, and the 'catch 22' occurred for her related to visibility. At the websites, those 'following' are given the opportunity to comment, and as we all know, you don't have to reveal who you are as a 'user' at websites, typically.
Her therapist and her husband both forewarned her not to read comments, but she didn't heed that advise and she read the comments. And the Downton Abbey marathon was the result from the impact the comments had on her. There were comments about her face and 'botox', her weight (she is not thin, not heavy, she's in the middle/average) and it sets me up to share one of my quotes at my Facebook page here:
“Your wrinkles either show that you’re nasty, cranky, and senile... or that you’re always smiling.” -- Carlos Santana
Brené took out her laptop and searched to see what was going on in the US at the timeframe that Downton Abbey is set in, which is World War I era, and she found a speech by President Teddy Roosevelt about men who criticize versus men who attempt to accomplish which obviously resonated with her, re-inspired her, and lead to the title of the book she was working on at the time.
She also adopted a strategy for dealing with people's comments, which basically is "If you're not going to put yourself in the arena with me (and reveal who you are), then your words don't count." A fifth generation Texan, you can see the West's influence on her 'attitude'; she and Oprah also share how they feel they are kindred spirits who just met for the first time in person.
I liked seeing this, I've met Oprah in a dream about two years ago and realized that we were kindred spirits, as it was not an ordinary dream but the type of dream I have had in the past where I see something that actually happens in the future, always related to someone passing 'over' to the other side. It was a very big revelation to me, and I have come to believe that we are ALL part of doing our "work" from very different 'places' in this timeframe of overall history. And so this is my revelation of something which makes me feel vulnerable to share: to put it out there about what my spiritual beliefs and experiences are takes trust not only in how it will be received but in my ability to 'own' what I have shared. I hope it is respected as such.
The current times we are in are requiring a lot of people to be learning, teaching, working at their 'life's work'. And it's clear that Dr Brown, who was asked to do a second hour, is right where she going to be able to get her amazing message out to many people, myself included, who can benefit from learning from her, and talking about her.
One of the things I've remarked about the experts on Lumigrate.com, who are typically in midlife, is their desire to use the technology tools to 'get the word out' despite being 'technologically challenged' in some cases. Others possess remarkable aptitude for technology and multitasking, it makes me so envyous, I am one with the challenges.
Another quote from my Facebook "About" information:
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing’s going to get better. It’s not.” -- Dr Seuss, The Lorax
From my standpoint, Brené Brown has had to endure something that 'we didn't learn in kindergarden',which is part of the degradation of society, in my opinion: the anonymous commentor. Mean comments left by people who don't have to put their name, let alone their 'face' on it.
It was something I had to deal with the first year Lumigrate was on the Internet: The Europeans criticized me for being an American capitalist, and some in the American chronic illness population, who I believe were frustrated by chronic pain and without the immediate means, in their minds at least, for the treatments that could reverse their symptoms, went so far as to break laws in an attempt to undermine me and Lumigrate.
It was so hurtful; in my mind, I'd used my own funds to provide a website to help people, but I didn't want to go the route of the 'advertising model' to make revenue, because if you 'follow the money', there is always someone expecting something in return when money is exchanged. I'd rather have the expectations be from the consumers and meeting those needs by providing quality, unbiased, information.
I often relate that my experience over the past half a dozen years related to shifting into health education and then onto an Internet platform, for someone who was barely a user of the Internet, is akin to the mashed potato Monument that Richard Dryfuss' character created in Close Encounters of the Third Kind; I simply knew all things were leading me to 'building it' and I've had to figure so many things out every day, it hasn't allowed me as much time for myself and my personal life and well-being as would be ideal.
And I have continually (daily, I believe) "checked in" with myself about where I am to be and what I am to be doing, and I 'move along', and it is my pleasure to see that you are coming along with us at Lumigrate. Where it will go, nobody knows (at least that's a good saying, perhaps some do, there are some amazingly gifted people when you venture out of the allopathic world of medicine into the integrative and alternative).
Another favorite quote from my Facebook page:
"Man…. He sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." Dalai Lama
We are all struggling with how to adapt our lives to the huge influence of the Internet; five years ago most people weren't yet on Facebook, for instance. If people ask me what the number one factor I hadn't accounted for when starting Lumigrate, I'd say 'Facebook' (and social media), and it has overall been an enormously helpful too -- all of the national experts on Lumigrate as of this writing were directly or indirectly from Facebook connections.
That includes environmental medicine specialist Marc Spurlock, MD, author Martine Ehrenclou (The Take-Charge Patient, Critical Conditions), author Sue Ingebretson (FibroWHYalgia), medical researcher and nutrition supplement expert and 'quality direct marketing mentor' Robin Thomas, Frank Gresham who educates about what causes muscles to be painful and what to do about it via the Internet as well as in person, and even our Bubbie (grandmother) Yenta (Jewish slant on philosophy of life) and Amazing Alice (Christian aspect). Just last week we were joined by two experts in the US related to homeopathy and vaccines as well as the legal aspects of vaccination (Debby Bruck, CHom and Alan Phillips, J.D.).
The 'work' involved with Lumigrate has been different in many ways from my previous work; as an outpatient occupational therapy contractor, I would get up and drive to a clinic and run around the building a lot, either helping the patients I was working with directly or indirection -- going to the fax machine, going to get a supply or warm pack for them, or water to make them comfortable and educate them about water's importance to helping their tissues. About midway through the time from when I stopped doing that five years ago to now, I suddenly had a change in metabolism and gained a great deal of weight (50#), and it was reminiscent of what occurred in my mid 20s and mid 30s and early 40s, which I thought I'd gotten figured out and remediated. Obviously not.
And in the back of my mind, I was thinking "Gads, Mardy, you're expecting people to look to you for leadership and advise related to being YOU! -- the proactive, educated patient -- yet you've slid back down the slippery slope of wellness/illness to being more down around 'illness'."But, hellloooooo, Mardy --- isn't this the same struggle that most people have related to their wellness (and their size and shape?). I was told as a teenager when I was 125 pounds (at above average height), that my blood sugar curve indicated I would be diabetic as an adult; is it any surprise I'm still struggling with that? After all, I'm barely in my mid-50s.
So if I experienced this self-scrutiny, and Brené Brown experienced this, and went on to discuss 'perfectionism' with Oprah, and many other valuable topics I've consciously worked on myself in my adult years, and other experts on Lumigrate have shared conversataions with me about it, or in a couple of cases, written about it on Lumigrate to 'share with the class', I wanted to provide this topic about it again today, while recommending what I consider to be a wonderful resource (though I have not yet obtained and reviewed/read the book, just the first of the two-part interview, link below.)
So that's where 'the bar' ends up being set -- we're expected to be doing SO MUCH in today's environment to 'be heard', as people can create books and websites so easily today. As a reminder, I have struggled with environmental illness my whole life but became extremely ill in my twenties and it's been a journey ever since of 'overcoming' that. I've been along for the ride at a distance with Martine Ehrenclou when her second book was in production and released, and she hit the 'road' and skies in her case, to the other coast of the United States to be interviewed on television and etc.
This occurred just as another author on Lumigrate, Dr Lynn Hellerstein, OD, told me 'you need to write a book, Mardy' (meaning about professional topics, though I've been encouraged since my late 30s to write a book about humorously unique events that have happened over my 'unusual' life.) I was on a trip, by car, to the Front Range fro a mixture of business and personal, and my sacrum had just slammed me that morning when I got out of bed and picked up something off the floor to start the packing up/moving out process.
I drove the four hours back to my home, in a great deal of pain and was so relieved to arrive, only to find my boiler had gone out and my house was, fortunately, above freezing but not comfortably warm. It was the week of Christmas and, while I had not yet discovered Downton Abbey as Brené had, I did my couch therapy, and my own process of adapting to what was going on that pushed too hard. And I realized that my business was going to simply have to go about things differently because of the consideration I have to place on the reality of what my body (and mind and spirit) can and cannot do. Everyone has their own reality, and the ultimate lesson to master is to learn how to navigate life with the reality you have each moment. The same is true for you.
Oprah and Brené Brown, on this video which I hope is still 'working' (it only went so far and froze for me) discuss the old saying "physician heal thyself", and the beliefs 'out there' by the consumers related to experts' personal experience with human experience and the impact that has on their ability to help others. We are all on our unique paths but we have the same ultimate destination goal.
I trust that Lumigrate's experts have come to know that as part of the team here, you're not only 'allowed' to be human, you're expected to be! I hope that you feel there are people here to support you, and a place to turn if you have a question about a client or patient or your self or a family member.
I hope that the consumers who are our 'guests' and come to visit us regularly, feel safe as well, and that it's understood that 'everyone is where they're at right now', and that ideally means looking for where to go next as they move along the path of life. I find too often that people who grab onto the ropes of information they get from Lumigrate or from me in direct consultation will get in touch with me to apologize for not moving forward with the information.
That's simply where YOU are at, it's up to you to act (or not) in every moment, and it truly is none of my concern. I guess there is much from people's past with education where there's an expectation you do things on a certain timeline, and while I set some things up to whittle away on 'each day', people can take that on a different timeline. Some people like to have that accountability, and that is when I would suggest a health or life coach for them.
My 'job' in the role of the teacher/provider to set people up with using the Lumigrate YOU! Model is different than being a patient advocate, it's different than being a life or health coach. I can best describe it by using the analogy of traveling to a new place you've never gone before (functional medicine, integrative medicine), or you've come back because you liked it so much but you've lived your life up to this point in another city (allopathic medicine); I'm part 'desk clerk' when I write up something like this and suggest a person goes to learn/experience something -- but if you need more assistance with that, I'm available as a 'concierge' would be, to look more specifically at your history and where you've been, what you're trying to accomplish with your resources related to wellness, and make suggestions.
In order to simplify it and create a self-serve website for the masses (as I am passionate about money not being what created a person's wellness/illness reality), I work consistently on building more information at Lumigrate to meet the needs of those who come to visit. And I hope that my admitting my human-ness is an added benefit to the experience of those who use Lumigrate as a resource. I'll send the link out to the team in order to get their input about their experiences 'out in the real world' related to being a professional AND human being.
If this has caught your interest and you wish to go view the video, here's the link to the Facebook page within OWN's page where, currently, you can plug in and watch the interview of Brené Brown and Oprah Winfrey on OWN's Super Soul Sunday (it aired 3/17/13 if you need to find it otherwise/by Searching).
www.facebook.com/ownTV/app_141319902694113
And here's another link to YouTube which is short and shows some of my favorite parts of that first interview I saw with her:
www.youtube.com/watch Maybe YOU will become a fan of hers too!
Vulnerability, Dr Brown at TEDx:
www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
A comment I found when checking the link to OWNs FB page about Dr Brown: Divine Timing, I'd say, as it likely will resonate for many in Lumigrate's audience:
"One day, I came home from high school and proudly told my dad, who ran a very large construction company, that I received a 98 0n my physics test. He replied:"if I built a building 98% right, it would probably fall down." Thank you both for this wonderful presentation.
I am a practicing Tibetan Buddhist, Kagyu lineage. Over the years, I used perfectionism and intellectualization, as strategies to avoid being vulnerable in my faith, as a student, and in life in general.. However, a ruptured brain aneurysm, 3 subsequent months on bed rest from failed aneurysm clipping followed by successful surgery and a year of recovering prior to returning to my studies in medical school taught me to begin to let go of perfectionism, have gratitude for little things, and trust being vulnerable.
When I look at the reasons I became a physician who truly cared about his patients, was willing to spend time with them with little concern for finances, being vulnerable myself, I realize that going through aneurysm rupture and its recovery was the most important lesson I had at being a person and physician.
The point you made about faith hit home as well. You might be interested in a book by Anam Thubten "No Self No Problem" where he tears down the walls of culturally based faith practices which deemphasize "faith' to focus on learning and practicing overly complicated rituals also seen in many other religious traditions.
Two malignant cancers and multiple surgeries later, I continue to be grateful for even these dangerous life circumstances that remind me to keep myself open to trust in joy."
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Live and Learn. Learn and Live Better! is my motto. I'm Mardy Ross, and I founded Lumigrate in 2008 after a career as an occupational therapist with a background in health education and environmental research program administration. Today I function as the desk clerk for short questions people have, as well as 'concierge' services offered for those who want a thorough exploration of their health history and direction to resources likely to progress their health according to their goals. Contact Us comes to me, so please do if you have questions or comments. Lumigrate is "Lighting the Path to Health and Well-Being" for increasing numbers of people. Follow us on social networking sites such as:
Twitter: http://twitter.com/lumigrate and Facebook. (There is my personal page and several Lumigrate pages. For those interested in "groovy" local education and networking for those uniquely talented LumiGRATE experts located in my own back yard, "LumiGRATE Groove of the Grand Valley" is a Facebook page to join. (Many who have joined are beyond our area but like to see the Groovy information! We not only have FUN, we are learning about other providers we can be referring patients to and 'wearing a groove' to each other's doors -- or websites/home offices!) By covering some of the things we do, including case examples, it reinforces the concepts at Lumigrate.com as well as making YOU feel that you're part of a community. Which you ARE at Lumigrate!
